My dearest mummy,
Life here in heaven is great. Sometimes I wish I lived on earth like you. I wonder what it would feel like if I lived. Today I would have turned 13. I probably would have had a party and I bet it would have been great. Maybe you would have sent me out for dinner, I’ll never know; I never lived. I know how sad you were when I died. It was pretty hard on you. The toil of nine months rewarded by death. I know you still cry at night in your pillow. Sometimes I ask why I didn’t live. If I did, perhaps you wouldn’t be sad, especially on my birthday.
I want you to know that it wasn’t God’s fault I died so please don’t be angry with him. I don’t know why I didn’t live long enough but I do know it wasn’t His fault.
Mummy, I want you to know that I’m happy here in heaven. Don’t be sad for me. I know you miss me and it’s okay. I miss you too and I can’t wait for when I get to see you here in heaven.
But most of all, I want you to be happy. Live, mummy, live and show life that you cannot be beaten. Chase your dreams. Love my siblings with all the love in your heart, don’t be afraid to love them. Love them deeply, don’t let my dying take the ability to live and love from you. Laugh at life’s little joys. Mummy be happy. Don’t worry too much about me. Life in heaven is beautiful, I want you to know that mummy, so that when you think of me, you know that I am in a beautiful place where there is no sorrow nor death, where there is love and peace. I want you to know this so that you remember me with fondness, not with a heavy heart.
I love you mummy. I always have and I always will. You will always be my mummy. It doesn’t matter that I’m in heaven and you’re on earth, no matter how far I am, I will always be your baby.
Love, your little girl.
This piece is dedicated to all women who have lost a child, especially to my sister, Irene whose strength inspires me, to my friend Hannah who continues to live fully in spite of it all, and to my classmate Evelyn, who has shown me to follow my dreams even when tragedy comes knocking.