She sat on the bed. In the quiet of her room, the sobs grew into wails as though she had survived hours in labour for a baby blue and still.
She wondered how she got here. Where it all began? When did she become the embodiment of unhappiness? She wondered. She looked high and low, near and far, hoping for the thinnest sliver of happiness. Had she always been like this??? She could have sworn she could recall being happy somewhere in the days of the Tyrannosaurus and the Pachycephalosaurus. Must have been somewhere on the ark with Noah and Shem.
When the dark of her pain brought her to her knees, she prayed that death would be her friend. Who else could promise the relief she so desperately craved??? Everything else had failed her, surely death wouldn’t. Death couldn’t.
She had prayed a thousand times, offered a dozen sacrifices. Where was God at a time like this???
How could He stand back and watch her life sink deeper than the Titanic. She had sorrowed so long, depression was no longer friend. No, depression was her, and her, depression.
Today she sat contemplating her existence. Was life really worth living??? She said to herself, “Today is the day I shall meet death. Come, let us be acquainted now. I have yearned for you, earnestly prayed for your touch even.” Her pills in hand, her last breath waiting for her final curtain call.
He loved her so much it hurt to see her become pain. He sent his son to die for her. It was sad to see that she didn’t see herself through His eyes. If she did, she’d know she wasn’t some lowlife good for nothing piece of scum. She’d see she was worth all the jewels in the core of the earth. She’d know that even before He formed her in the womb, He had called her and chosen her to be His, his very Own. He saw her as she truely was, A Queen! His love for her was beyond all human imagination. He saw her chase happiness in all the wrong places, living to please Tom and Dick and Harry. He saw her try to be the status quo and it broke His heart so. The status quo was never her life to live. He wanted her to know that. She had to see that, she had to turn to Him, away from the darkness that held her captive to the light and liberation he held in the palm of his hand. So He stood close by, hoping she’d raise her head and know that He never once did leave. He could not leave. To leave would be to betray who He was; the lover of her soul. He longed to save her from the danger that was herself, to save her from the anguish and despair she had become.
Today I saw her question her existence. I saw her leaning to hold death’s hand, looking at him as though to say, “Come on now, let’s be gone together.” As I watched her, I could see the despondency etched in the slump of her shoulders. I could see the pills too. She had to know. Someone had to tell her that He loved her. And so in that moment, I chose to be the one to tell her what He told me and this is what he said.
“I have loved you with an EVERLASTING love. I never left and never will leave. I am here for the highs and the lows. You are precious to me. You are beautiful and worth far more than you realise. If you weren’t, I would not have died in your place. I died for you to live. I died to show how deep my love for you runs. You are enough. You are Mine. You are loved.”
This post is dedicated to my two bestfriends, Pokuaa and Chelsea. Bestfriends till forever. You guys are more than enough